So I was over at Karen's blog (Irritable Mother)... if you haven't visited Karen, you wouldn't know that she is also an author and motivational speaker for mothers. Anyway, I was watching one of the videos on this page, and although I have heard this analogy several times in my life it has really been on my mind. She talks about a silversmith, boiling the silver to bring out the impurities.
The closer I walk with God, the more impurities I am seeing in myself. It isn't an easy journey. The self-realization aspect alone is nothing short of frightening. I really have to trust God and know that He is my heavenly Father, that He will not hurt me if I let myself be completely vulnerable. You know those times in youth group or in movies where you are told to fall back into someone's arms? It is that on such a bigger scale.
We have been in a place of limbo for a while. Mainly in our church situation. I've talked about this before, we love the church family at Choctaw, but desire more in the teaching area. We have looked to other places for our meals that feed our faith. These meals have done nothing short of filling us up and for that we are so thankful. I grew up where obedience meant following the rules, it was about the rules. I am finding through my personal journey that rules are important, but that God wants me to live a holy life. Set apart. If I live a holy life, rules are a mute point. The rules are a result of the right life.
My husband (bless his heart) is a fan of the "wives submit yourselves to your husband" scripture... oh and he also loves the "wives should not deprive... I Cor 7:5." But that is another story :o). Anyway, my point is that if you love your husband, really love him and he loves you like Christ loved the church, you would submit to him without thought. I think the same is true with God. If I love God, know Him through His word, let Him work in my life, my life will become a holy life, set apart.
So I keep having imperfections revealed to me, almost daily ... I am really praying about these things. I really feel like the world has it's hooks in me and I'm trying to break loose. Do you have these feelings? Do you feel like the world is pulling you away from living right?
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Good thoughts. I believe you are right. If we love God and strive to be holy as He is holy, we will not be living contrary to His word. As for the wives submitting to their husbands part, if a husband loves his wife as Christ loved the church, why wouldn't she submit? Obviously, this isn't always the case in a home, but that doesn't negate a wife's responsibility to submit. And her husband can be taught through her example.
I do feel it's a struggle to be in the world, but not of the world. I think what helps me most is just being mindful of wanting to be like Christ. I know in my heart that I want to be like Him and that is even more apparent when I fail Him. It sort of keeps me on track when things get too crazy and I realize that I haven't been keeping my priorities straight. And prayer. That's a wonderful blessing!
Thanks for the post!
What a wonderful post, Annie. I know right where you're coming from and where your heart is. I have some really deep inner issues that I feel like I'm lost at knowing how to find my balance with. I've prayed and prayed ... even begged in tears over but *something* brings them back even after I thought they were gone. I can't help but think *the world* around me has something to do with it. I live a good life and lead a pure life (as best as I can)but there is outside *stuff* that seems to take control every so often, even when I don't realize it.
Just last night, David and I had a long talk about some of these inner struggles of mine. David brings me the same comfort I get when I pray at night. I have always had a very strong feeling that God speaks to me through my husband. I can't pinpoint it but it's a beautiful thing. For me, I need to learn to rely on my heart and my faith more ...
Wonderful post Annie. Wonderful. ITA with everything you wrote.
this world will always try to pull us away from God. Sadly I find myself getting caught up in this or that and busy with this or that that I sometimes let my daying time with him and in his word go by the way side, It is at those moments he lets stuff in my life that will bring me back to him.. When I'm spending time in HIS word, Time in prayer talking to HIM.. He reminds me so much of why I need him each and every day.. Praise God that He Loves us and will never forsake us even when we are imperfect and we fail him.. I pray that I will be more like him and more like him but He loves me even when i fall.
"The closer I walk with God, the more impurities I am seeing in myself." Yes. The Light reveals things previously hidden by the darkness. It IS scary to be completely vulnerable, but God is good.
My desire is to be beautiful - like refined silver - and I believe He is using my trials to refine me and make me holy. I am so thankful for His perfect wisdom and care for me!
Thanks for this post, the link, and my signature. I'm getting compliments on it. I like Coach J's signature, too! :)
Annie..
This is a great post! So honest..so open! I have been on a journey with the Lord that started back in December( I have been a believer for 20 plus years). My desire was to have more in my relationship with the Lord, to not feel controlled by things in the world. Not all in the world is bad, but it can steal the main focus if we are not careful. I notice that my focus became more clear as I spent more time in His word, and made a point to take time out to intentionally pray every day. I think we all do 'wisper' prayers throughout our day.. but when we stop, take ten minutes, or more to just focus in on the Lord. It is life changing. Do not lose heart... We have a mighty and loving Father who will hear your cry to press into Him more. He will meet you, He will guide you. All because He Loves You!!!
Oohh, I wish we could sit and have a pot of coffee together, Annie. I know what it's like to have imperfections revealed, almost daily. It's like, enough already! I'm still dealing with yesterday's imperfection!! :)
A million times, yes!, I feel like the world tries to pull me away from living right, but if it ever stops-I'm in trouble. And God hears your cry for freedom! He is faithful to loose the "hooks" and set you free.
I like the whole rules paragraph, because I think you're right on. Jesus came to fulfil the law so we don't have to. We aren't required to live by rules so we can hopefully be forgiven with an animal sacrifice. It's because we're forgiven and following Him that we do what we do, or don't do what we don't do. Nothing more, nothing less.
Be at peace. Seeing your imperfections will only extend more grace to others. And it will truly transform your heart into a more grateful heart, and put a hymn of praise in your mouth to an all-consuming God!
Girl, we are coming out beautifully! And is that the Savior I see reflected in you?! ;)
Annie,
You know I am 49 years old and have always attended the Church of Christ! My Grandma's husband (not my grandfather) and one of my uncles were both ministers in the church. Maybe one of the reasons you're feeling the way you are - I have been having those same feelings about Choctaw for a long time - is because of the teachings in the church. I can remember when I was growing up and someone would ask my religion; when I would answer Church of Christ, they would say, "Oh, you're one of those" - you all think you're the only ones going to Heaven!"
As I get older, I see why people have that response to the Church of Christ! Please, don't get me wrong - I know the church at Choctaw is based on doctrine and is a scriptural church. At times, I have felt very "judged" by some of the members there. I know that there is no one on this earth who is to judge me or my relationship with God. My relationship is between my God and me! He is my judge - and I am certainly thankful for that!
I just don't feel like I am finding my "niche" or utilizing my "gifts" there. I know that as long as I continue to put off finding a new church home - simply because of my love for the members - I am putting off my service to Him! I have visited some other churches and feel that I have found a place where I can feel that God is truly working on me and showing me that He can not be contained in a nice, neat little box!
I, too, love the church family at Choctaw, but I don't think that's enough anymore.
I hope - and will be praying - that you are able to find the best place for you and your family and that you will be able to be at peace with the decisions you make regarding your family's worship.
In His Grace,
annb
I don't have anything new to add. I will be praying that God reveals to you and Matt where you guys should be--and that He will make it quite clear.
I make mistakes every day.all of us do.we need to trust God to change us.I use to feel every day I had lost my salvation when I was a young christain.
one day I was praying and crying out to the Lord .that I was a big screw up and why didnt he just get me cleaned up and take me home?
He said dont run from me when you mess up run to me.I am faithful to forgive you.
and he also reminded me "I am the rightousness of God in christ Jesus".its not our rightousness but Jesus rightouness we stand on.He gets us to where we need to be.
all we have to do is give it to him to help us.
none of us will be perfect till we get to heaven.it says in the word.
He who has begone a good work in you will bring it to its finish on that day.
in other words he does the work we just give the mess to him and he helps us.
do I feel like I need to change?yes every day.and I do.cause in 36 years he has been here helping me.
God bless you.and I know he does.
you could not go on with out his grace to help you.
Hi Annie,
I was very encouraged by this post and even by all the comments. I too don't have any more to add, but I just wanted to say how encouraged I am by the Lord's work in your life to purify and make you holy! Praise our Glorious God!
Blessings,
In Pursuit of His Call
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